Reflection
by GeekBastard23
Summary: When Tony can't reach EJ after what happened to his old partner in Baltimore, he finally realizes what's really important to him.


_A/N: I don't own NCIS or the 'James Bond' quote._

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><p><strong>Reflection<strong>

Four beers and a pizza into 007, Tony still couldn't concentrate on the movie. It had been four days since he had arrested his former boss. But still, Tony seemed to be in some sort of weird trance from which he apparently couldn't break free.

He had been overly restless all day and even those couple of beers didn't make him feel drowsy at all now. He briefly wondered whether that was the reason why Gibbs was drinking bourbon all the time – did he just want to forget from time to time? Forgetting – what a wonderful sentiment. But his mind wouldn't do him the favor, of course.

Another beer and he picked up his cell, trying to reach EJ – again. He had tried to speak to her several times over the last couple of days but she had never once picked up her phone. If Tony hadn't overheard Vance talking to her the day before, he might have been able to convince himself that her phone was dead but now that he knew it wasn't, it left him strangely empty.

He dialed her number and listened intently, hoping that she would pick up this time. She possibly couldn't still be working, it was almost midnight already, right? However, after only two rings, he was forwarded to her dreaded voicemail.

"Hey EJ. It's me, again. Listen, I know you're probably busy with the Waikiki Beach Surfers and stuff. But the last couple of days have just been… I don't know really. Just call me, okay? I really need to talk to…."

Tony was rudely interrupted by the signal that ended his voice message. He sighed and threw the cell to the coffee table. He almost imperceptibly shook his head.

"Who am I kidding anyway?" He asked Sean Connery on his flat screen.

"Well, she had her kicks," James Bond replied.

Tony let out a bark of a sarcastic laugh. This was just so like him. If he really needed someone, nobody was there for him. Sure, he supposed that he could go over to Gibbs' but they hadn't exactly been best friends lately and showing up in his boss' basement, slightly drunk was probably not the greatest of ideas.

Tony wondered what it was exactly that felt so off. Sure the death of his former partner, the guilt that he might have been able to help him, if he hadn't forgotten that damn cell at EJ's the other night, the fact that he had to arrest his old boss probably didn't help to lighten his mood but Tony couldn't ignore the gnawing feeling in his gut that all of this wasn't really what had been keeping him up the last couple of nights.

No, it was rather the fact to see what had become of his former partner after Tony had left Baltimore PD. He had wondered if he could have prevented him from becoming an alcoholic, from being forced to retire. But then, he realized that he had tried to do so by not ratting him out.

Still, it bothered him greatly, how Danny's life had turned out and Tony couldn't help but wonder, if he would turn out to be just like him. If he would die alone in his apartment, too.

As soon as he wanted to make himself believe that he wasn't like Danny at all, as soon did his thoughts reach EJ again. He had thought that he wanted to be like her. Or rather that he actually should be her. If he hadn't turned down Jenny's offer to transfer to Rota and become a team leader all those years ago, it would be him hunting down the P2P killer, it would be him coordinating the action. He wouldn't have to follow Gibbs' orders anymore. He would be his own man for once.

But then again, did he really want to have all of that? He had chosen to not go to Rota, had chosen not to go with Jeanne because he loved his team, his family. Yes, he still had the ambition to be a team leader someday but in his visions of that, it had always been _this_ team.

But anyway, something about EJ felt off now and it wasn't the fact that she hadn't even bothered to call him back. No, Tony could actually understand her. He would have done the same thing only a few months ago...

And then, it suddenly hit him like a lightning.

He didn't have to try to be like EJ because he had basically been the male version of her for the last nine years. He had played the field, had taken advantage of his good looks and the facileness of some woman. He would have never called any of those, with whom he was merely sleeping with, back just because they left him messages that they didn't feel well. He just wouldn't have done anything…

Sure, the thing with EJ was fun, she was easy to talk to and that was because they were pretty similar after all. Tony knew that he had been teasing her about her aversion against the bright skylight at the office, while in fact he knew that he had also found them ridiculous at the very beginning.

And there was the crux of the matter, Tony realized while he opened another bottle of beer. They were too similar. It was as simple as that and it wouldn't have been too bad, if it wasn't for his desire to change. He didn't want to play the field anymore. He was finally ready to settle down with somebody and he realized after another sip of beer that EJ sure as hell would not be that one person. She simply wasn't that kind of person for that kind of life, for that kind of love.

Tony sat there in the darkness of his apartment for a few more minutes, staring at the screen but not really seeing anything, as his phone suddenly came to life and started to ring. Had he been wrong about EJ after all? Was she finally calling him back?

But as he looked at the caller ID, he saw his hopes dashing away again and he realized that he wasn't actually bothered about it anymore.

"Hey Ziva," he answered the phone. "Listen, if we have a new case, tell Gibbs I'm in no condition to investigate, let alone drive a vehicle."

Tony realized that he was slightly slurring by now but couldn't care less.

"No, Tony, it is not about a new case," Ziva answered, her voice surprisingly soft. "I just wanted to make sure, you were okay. You seemed to be a little under the weather today."

Tony sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. Of course, Ziva would notice that he hadn't been himself for a while now...

"I'm okay," he finally answered. "Just a little… you know, lots of things to process."

"Okay," Ziva replied, dragging out the word. "Hey, listen, if you want, I could come over, bring a few more beers and we could… you know, watch a movie or… talk."

"Yeah, I would like that."

"Okay, I will be there in about thirty minutes."

With that the line went dead, leaving Tony sitting on his couch with a strange feeling in his gut. How had she known that he needed somebody to talk to right now? How had she known that he wouldn't be talking to EJ?

And then, he realized that Ziva had always known. And he didn't know whether it was simply one of her ninja skills or whether she just actually understood him, got him.

For a second, a thought so comforting crossed his mind that he almost forgot why he had been down in the first place.

Maybe, he realized, he wouldn't die alone after all…

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><p><em>AN: Let me know what you think! :)_


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